Joke -- An Old Man's Good Time

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?".

Joke -- The Cheap Ring

A young woman walked into a jeweller first thing one Monday morning, handed a large impressive solitaire ring to the owner, and asked could he "just tell her whether this is a real diamond or not, and is it worth having valued" as a very good friend had given it to her over the weekend. The jeweller could tell without from a distance that it was only in a cheap 9 carat gold mount, and a quick look using an eyeglass not only confirmed this, having a "375" hallmark, but also revealed a "C.Z." stamp, so was undoubtedly a cubic zirconia.
The jeweller relayed his opinion to the "customer", who promptly burst out into tears, wailing, gnashing of teeth, and other hysterical behaviour. After five minutes she had recovered her composure sufficiently to further quiz the jeweller, "How can you be so sure after such a brief look, you haven't even tested the stone", she said accusingly. "Madam, from years of experience, I can tell diamonds from fakes without using a diamond tester, they are only used by amateurs, it is only in a 9 carat mount, and nobody in their right mind would set a high quality 4 carat diamond in such a cheap mount, it's also stamped C.Z. inside the shank, so please do not call my expertise into question, especially when I am giving you free advice", replied the long-suffering jeweller. At this the woman burst back into uncontrollable sobbing, and it took several minutes before the jeweller could manage to communicate with her. "Well, dear, don't get so upset. As you were given it, you haven't suffered any financial loss. If this were a real diamond ring it would be worth £40,000 or more, at least you haven't bought it on ebay for £20,000; if you had I could quite understand you being so upset, but as it was only a gift, then really you have not lost anything," he tried to console her.
At this point she snatched the ring from his hand, and snarled "You clearly don't understand the seriousness of the situation! I insist you call the police immediately."
"Why?", said the puzzled jeweller.
Isn't it obvious?, said the woman, "I've been raped!"

Joke -- The Deposit

Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.

“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?”

Joke -- The Gold Earrings

Okay...this was so funny, I had to share!

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.

"Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."

"That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."